


A Step You Can't Take Back

by DreamAsIRead



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mortal, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Infidelity, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-20
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-04-10 07:53:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4383518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamAsIRead/pseuds/DreamAsIRead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some people find their soulmates. Some people don’t. When Nico di Angelo was ten years old, he made a wish upon a star. He wished for a soulmate that would love him as purely as his Mama loved his Father. He wished for someone with a beautiful smile and kind eyes. He wished for a prince charming that would sweep him off his feet, and take him away to live happily ever after in a castle somewhere. The saddest thing about growing up, Nico thought, was learning to leave childhood wishes behind.<br/>*Inspired by The_Yaoi_Goddess "Lost Stars".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. No One Else Like You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [The_Yaoi_Goddess](https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Yaoi_Goddess/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Lost Stars](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4368665) by [The_Yaoi_Goddess](https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Yaoi_Goddess/pseuds/The_Yaoi_Goddess). 



> Lost Stars was beautiful, and inspiring. I meant to write out The_Yaoi_Goddess' tantalising "Alternate Ending" within 1,500 words, but I started writing backstory, and it just snowballed. This'll probably be a two-parter. Next chapter, enter Jason! If Percico is your thing, stop at Chapter 1, but if you're here for Jasico, wait with bated breath! Lol!

__Some people find their soulmates. Some people don’t. When Nico di Angelo was ten years old, he made a wish upon a star. He wished for a soulmate that would love him as purely as his Mama loved his Father. He wished for someone with a beautiful smile and kind eyes. He wished for a prince charming that would sweep him off his feet, and take him away to live happily ever after in a castle somewhere. The saddest thing about growing up, Nico thought, was learning to leave childhood wishes behind.

 

When Nico di Angelo was fifteen, his family grew larger. His older sister, Bianca met her soulmate. Zoe Nightshade was a beautiful girl, almost as beautiful as Bianca. Her long hair, black as ebony, fell to her waist, and her eyes, just as dark, somehow managed to shine like the light at the end of a train tunnel. At least, that was how Bianca told it. Nico had never seen his sister so happy. She seemed to glow with an inner light, and her joy was so infectious that everyone in the family could feel it.

Nico wanted to be jealous, but he couldn’t begrudge Bianca her happiness, even if he couldn’t help envying her. He watched his parent’s acceptance of Bianca and Zoe, his mother’s laughter and his father’s smiles, and the fear he’d been carrying for so long started to ease. Maybe when Nico found his soulmate, they would be able to embrace him- yes, him- just as warmly as they embraced Zoe.

Bianca and Zoe decided to get married. They were only eighteen, but why wait, Bianca reasoned. They were soulmates. There would be no one else for either of them. Father and Mama gave their blessing, and Nico started to love Zoe as another sister. Their family was growing, even if it was only by one person, and Nico was glad.

When Nico di Angelo was fifteen, his world fell apart. It was an accident. A drunk driver. Bianca and Mama were on their way back from bridal shopping. They’d decided to walk, enjoying the sunshine, for a change, instead of sitting in traffic. Mama died at the scene of the accident. She’d used her own body as a shield for Bianca, trying to protect her daughter against the unyielding force of metal and machine. Bianca made it to a hospital. She passed away after a week in a coma.

Nico watched Zoe fade day by day. His sister in all but name, and she was the only sister he had left. Zoe Nightshade used to be the strongest person Nico knew. After Bianca’s death, she spent most of her days in bed. When she was awake, she could always be found in Bianca’s room, a blank mask on her face as she stared at the letters inscribed on her wrist- _BdA_ , black letters representing a void where once there had been joy. Nico was the one to find her, the black letters bleeding red, washed away by the lifeblood of her slit vein.

Some people get to keep their soulmates. Some people don’t. Zoe was in the latter group, and for the first time, Nico di Angelo started to realise what a great and terrible thing it would be to find a soulmate.

 

When Nico di Angelo was nineteen, he met Percy Jackson. An exchange student from the United States, Percy was loud, impulsive, and active. He was Nico’s opposite, and Nico was intrigued. Their first meeting was a whirlwind of emotion. Nico had just about resigned himself to losing the entire contents of his bag to the muggers when Percy stepped in, like a hero out of Nico’s favourite books. He fought off the would-be muggers with nothing but an umbrella, throwing about quips without a care in the world. After, he asked Nico out for a coffee, and Nico, heart pounding partly from adrenaline, and partly from something else he refused to name, accepted.

Percy was easy to become friends with. He was charismatic and funny, and although he didn’t seem like someone who put a lot of thought into things, he surprised Nico with moments of insightfulness and caring. He was responsible, and a natural born leader. Even if their first meeting hadn’t consisted of Percy saving Nico from being robbed, he still would have grown to trust Percy easily. He was a dream hero, brought to life, and Nico found that his daydreams started to feature a dark-haired, green-eyed hero quite prominently.

Percy and Nico spent almost every moment of spare time together. Nico acted as a guide, showing Percy the sights and sounds of his hometown, and sharing more with him than he had with anyone since Bianca died. He was always happy when Percy was around, always having fun, and feeling more carefree than he had in years. Even when he wasn’t with the other boy, Nico’s thoughts were filled with Percy. He wondered if he was falling for Percy.

He thought he wouldn’t exactly mind if that were true. There was only one problem.

 _AC_. Nico had caught sight of the letters once, on a trip to the beach with Percy. Two small marks etched across Percy’s left shoulder, displaying someone else’s ownership. He didn’t belong to Nico. Percy was someone else’s soulmate. They could never be anything more than friends, even if the thought simultaneously filled Nico with relief and regret. He would keep his distance, he promised himself. But his heart wouldn’t listen to his brain. He couldn’t help it. He was falling in love with Percy. _JG_ burned on his collarbone- a silent rebuke.

 

Some people are loyal to their soulmates. Some people are not. When he found out which group his father belonged in, Nico’s world was turned on its axis. Hazel Levesque was a bomb. She set Nico’s life aflame by her very presence in their home, challenging every belief he’d ever had about his parent’s marriage.

“HOW COULD YOU?! MAMA LOVED YOU. SHE LOVED YOU! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO HER?!”

“Nico- “Hades started, expression stern, bordering on anger. Nico recognised the look. Some part of him registered that it was the first time since Mama and Bianca’s deaths that his father had shown any real emotion. But he was too busy raging, too fuelled with fury to think about that.

“YOU BETRAYED HER! THAT GIRL OUT THERE IS PROOF! YOU’RE DESPICABLE-”

The slap was as loud as a gunshot. His face burned and involuntary tears sprang to his eyes. Hades looked stunned by his own action. He moved closer, hands reaching for his son, “Nico, I’m sorry.”

Nico flinched away. “Don’t touch me,” he hissed, sending a look of pure hate in his father’s direction. He slammed the door on the way out of the room. Hazel Levesque, with curly brown hair, and golden eyes wide with apprehension, watched as he stormed past. He threw her an acid glare. She was not his sister. He had one blood sister and one sister in spirit. Both had passed. He would not allow this wretched girl to usurp their place.

 

It was Percy who found him first. He knew Father must have been the one to contact him, to beg Percy to find his wayward son. Father had never really approved of Percy. Too loud. Too improper. Too American. But Percy was Nico’s closest friend. He would have been the only one with any chance of finding Nico.

Percy didn’t say anything at first. He joined Nico on the bench, the fountain at their backs drowning out any noise there could possibly be. The silence didn’t last long. Predictably, Percy’s ADHD betrayed him and he cleared his throat awkwardly. That seemed to be the trigger for Nico to unload.

Nico barely remembered everything he said that night. He cried. He screamed. He raged and yelled to the high heavens. Percy ended up holding him as he confessed his fears and regrets, voicing for the first time his doubts about love and soulmates. After Bianca and Zoe, how could he ever dare to allow someone else to possess such a big part of him? How could he dare to search his soulmate when the fear of losing them would cripple him- when he had seen the devastation of having one half of a soul cleaved from another? After what his father had done, how could he have any faith left? When someone could betray their soulmate in that way? What did that even mean for the sanctity of that particular bond?

“This soulmate business is a load of horse shit,” Nico whispered hoarsely. “Soulmates are bogus. And love is a sham.”

Percy tilted his head up, sea-green eyes looking into black, “Don’t say that, Nico. Love isn’t a sham.”

Nico snorted, “Oh yeah? What do you know about love?”

Percy smiled, and even in the state he was in, rubbed raw with emotion and dizzy from crying, Nico could appreciate how beautiful he found that smile. “Love is caring about someone. It’s wanting to be the one to make them smile. It’s wanting to be by their side, no matter what catastrophe is going on around you. It’s knowing where to find them when no one else does. It’s listening when they need to vent. It’s holding them through the pain. Love- is this.”

When his lips met Nico’s they tasted salty, probably from the tears that Nico was still crying, but they also tasted of cinnamon and nutmeg, and a taste that was entirely Percy. Nico’s chest filled with tender warmth, chasing away the raging fire that he’d been holding ever since finding out about what his father had done. Suddenly, it didn’t matter. None of it seemed to matter in the face of the fact that Percy Jackson was kissing him, and Nico didn’t want him to stop.

 

“I’m not- My initials. They’re not _AC_ ,” Nico muttered later, hating himself for the words that were passing his lips. Percy had to know already. And he’d kissed Nico anyway. Maybe he didn’t care. But Nico couldn’t get his hopes up. He HAD to be sure.

“Last I checked _PJ_ isn’t exactly _JG_ either,” Percy said, “Does that bother you? That I’m not your soulmate?” his eyebrows furrowed.

“No!” Nico calmed himself. It took some effort. “No, I don’t care about that.”

Percy smiled, another blinding grin, and Nico found himself slowly starting to smile back, “I love you, Nico. Isn’t that having a soulmate is all about anyway? I don’t need to look for someone else. I’ve found the one I want.”

Nico couldn’t breathe. Percy had said it so easily, like it cost him no effort at all- love. Did he love Percy too? He didn’t know. He couldn’t. It was too soon. Too much.

Percy seemed to sense his panicking. He pulled Nico close to him. “Nico. It’s okay. It’s fine if you’re not ready to say it back. I don’t need you to. I just want you to know that I’m here. I’m waiting. And whatever you decide, that’s okay too.”

Nico closed his eyes, revelling in the feel of Percy’s arms wrapped tight around him. Some people find their soulmates. Some people don’t. After he met Percy Jackson, Nico started to believe that it wasn’t important whether he ever found a soulmate or not. He’d already found someone to love, and who, without a doubt, loved him in return.

That night, he said goodbye to his childhood dreams and wishes for his soulmate. When he looked in the mirror, JG was still glaring against the creamy white of his skin. But it no longer mattered whether Nico found the one who those initials belonged to. At least, that’s what he told himself. The letters that marked his collarbone seemed to throb with a feeling of hollowness that Nico refused to name- regret.

Some people find their soulmates. Nico was not going to be one of them.


	2. Like a Fool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some people meet their soulmate and know it. Some people don’t. When Nico finds out that Jason Olympia is actually Jason Grace, he doesn’t know what to feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes the Jasico! Something of a trainwreck, and it looks like the story won't be able to be told in just two chapters, so it's gonna be a three-parter. Enjoy!

Some people end up with their soulmates. Some people don’t. Nico di Angelo was in the latter group, and he couldn’t be happier. Percy Jackson was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He was kind, caring and compassionate. He knew Nico like the back of his hand- knew his likes and dislikes, understood his story in a way that Nico was sure no one else ever would, and most importantly of all, loved Nico for everything that he was.

Seven years to the day that they’d met, the day that Nico’s Prince Charming had swooped into his life, rescuing him like a damsel in distress, Nico got ready to live his happily ever after. Standing in the dressing room, with his sister fussing about his hair, Nico studied his own face in the mirror. Today was the last day that he would be Nico di Angelo. The next time he looked in a mirror, looking back would be Nico di Angelo-Jackson. His fairy tale was finally coming true.

Nico put a hand to his neck, palm resting on his collarbone. _JG_ was still there, still as bright as ever, stark black letters against his skin. But it was now no more than a reminder of a childhood whim. He had no need for _JG_ any longer. Nico took a deep breath. Percy was waiting.

 

Percy cries during the ceremony, to Nico’s everlasting amusement, but no surprise. He is marrying this man. This man who feels every emotion keenly and wears his heart on his sleeve; Nico wouldn’t have it any other way.

Afterwards, they are congratulated and embraced by countless pairs of arms. All their friends and family have come to celebrate their happiness, but Nico can’t tear his eyes away from the most beautiful thing of all; he can’t stop himself from smiling at the man next to him- his husband. Hazel’s hug lasts the longest. She buries her face in his shoulder and then whispers in his ear, “I’m happy for you. I love you, big brother.”

Nico smiles back. Seven years ago, he hated this girl. But seven years after, he’s learnt to let go of his anger towards his father’s unfaithfulness. He’s gotten to know Hazel as a person, no longer seeing her as a reminder of infidelity. She is not Bianca’s replacement. She is just as much his sister as Bianca was, and he is glad for her presence in his life, on this day especially.

Nico lets Percy lead him around after that. They meet what feels like hundreds of Percy’s friends. Nico can barely keep their names together. Grover, of course he remembers- Percy’s best friend since childhood, and his girlfriend Juniper, a shy girl dressed in green. But then come Percy’s college friends. Clarisse and Chris, Silena and Beckendorf, Travis and Connor, and Katie. Miranda. Jake. Lou Ellen. After a while, the names and faces start to blur in his mind. And then…

“Nico, this is Jason.”

Nico doesn’t pay much attention to him at first. He sees a blonde man, tall and sturdy, bright blue eyes, and a cheerful expression. Nico gives him a polite smile and an introduction before something suddenly catches his eye. There, on Jason’s collarbone- _NdA._ How many people have three-initial names? How many with those three letters specifically? Jason- _J_ \- what?

“Jason?” Nico can’t stop himself from leaning forward, leaning closer. “Jason what?”

Jason doesn’t answer. He’s not looking at Nico. He claps Percy on the back, congratulating them. And then he introduces his wife. Piper, her name is. She is beautiful, glowing with her pregnancy, and she laughs with Percy, joking about how she and Jason are going to be pretty busy soon.

Nico should just forget it, just let it go. Even if Jason is _JG_ , it means nothing. He is married now, they both are, Nico has chosen Percy. He should stop searching. But he can’t.

“I still haven’t gotten your name!” he calls as Percy starts to pull him away. “You’re Jason-?”

“Yeah,” Jason answers. Nico watches the way he grits his teeth, sees what must be irritation taking over his features at Nico’s questioning before he puts a smile on his face, “Jason Olympia.” _J.O._

_JO_ is not _JG._

Nico staggers back a little, relief and regret washing over him in almost equal magnitude. He grips his neck, feeling the letters beneath the collar of his shirt. _JG._ Not _JO._ He smiles again at Jason Olympia, and his beautiful wife, and lets Percy pull him back into the crowd.

 

Some people meet their soulmate and know it. Some people don’t. When Nico finds out that Jason Olympia is actually Jason Grace, he doesn’t know what to feel.

Percy is laughing, telling him a story about college, “Yeah, Jason always was our saving Grace.”

Nico gives him a puzzled look. Percy says the word like an inside joke, another thing for Nico to discover about Percy and his friends. “Your college roommate? The one who came to our wedding- Jason Olympia?”

Percy grins, “Yeah. Although back then, he went by Jason Grace, his mother’s surname. He’s switched to using his father’s now, but you wouldn’t believe how many name puns we got in about our Jason Grace.”

Jason Grace. _JG._ The letters on his collarbone, ignored for so long, flare up suddenly. Jason Grace, whose collarbone has the matching letters _NdA_. Jason Grace is Nico’s soulmate. _JG,_ who lied about being Nico’s soulmate. Jason Grace, the man Nico finally met, on the day of his marriage to Percy Jackson.

Percy is still laughing about the story. He reaches for Nico’s hand and Nico reaches back instinctively. He smiles at Percy. His husband. This is the man he loves. This is the man he married. He doesn’t know anything about Jason Grace, aside from the fact that his letters match Nico’s; aside from _JG_ and _NdA._ Nico tells himself that he doesn’t care. Not anymore.

 

Some people never meet their soulmate. Some people meet them again and again even when they don’t want to. Nico spent most of his life since meeting Percy feeling thankful that he was in the former group. But six months into his marriage, he realises that he actually belongs with the latter.

“Senator Olympia,” Nico forces a smile. “I’m Nico di Angelo-Jackson, from The Times. I’m here to interview you about the latest policy changes your office is proposing?”

Jason Olympia looks the same as he did at the wedding, tall and confident, a media-ready smile on his handsome face. Nico finds that he hates that smile. It’s fake, and he can tell. Normally, it doesn’t bother him when the politicians he interviews are fake. It is part of the job, and as a political journalist, Nico has almost gotten used to it. But anything involving Jason Olympia- Jason Grace- is sure to make him uncomfortable.

The senator is friendly and open, with an easy-going manner yet his responses are knowledgeable. He clearly knows what he’s talking about. Nico manages to keep his professional demeanour right up until the end of the interview. He’s just wrapped up and is about to leave when Senator Olympia calls his name.

“Nico?”

Nico plasters a polite smile on his face, “Senator?”

“It’s Jason, please. I was at your wedding. I think that entitles you to my first name.” Jason smiles, another earnest-looking expression that Nico is just convinced is false. He grits his teeth. He’s never been good at keeping his temper, and he can’t help but feel condescended to by Jason _Olympia._

No, Nico. Don’t do it. Don’t.

Nico’s smile turns vicious, “Well, I’m glad you trust me with your first name, seeing as you felt the need to lie about your last one, your _Grace_.”

The stricken look on the senator’s face is enough to let Nico know that he understood the jab.

 

“I’m sorry about the lie.”

Nico doesn’t answer. He doesn’t particularly know what he’s doing here. Here, being getting a coffee with Senator Jason Olympia. Jason _Grace._

“I’m sorry about the lie but I’m not taking it back,” Jason says firmly, and Nico looks up, interested in what the other man is about to say despite himself.

Jason pulls in a deep breath and refocuses his gaze on Nico. His eyes, Nico registers, are stunningly blue.

“You’re _NdA,_ ” Jason says. He tugs at his collar. “I’ve been searching for you my entire life. And now I’ve found you. But I found you too late.” Jason looks down, his fingers running over the side of his cup. The wedding ring gleams on his finger.

“I love my wife,” he tells Nico, and his sincerity is impossible to doubt. “I love Piper and I won’t do anything to hurt her. I can’t.”

“I wanted to meet my soulmate- to meet you for so long. But I have my own family now. I have Piper, and Libby, and you’re my friend’s husband. We have our own lives and loves, and we can’t sacrifice that for what-if’s and maybes.”

He meets Nico’s gaze, and his eyes are stern in determination. “I can’t be _JG_. And you’re not _NdA_ anymore. But we could-“He pauses, takes a sip of his drink, “We could be friends?”

Nico closes his eyes. It’s been a long time since he was an innocent child who believed in soulmates. But Jason- Jason Olympia- is right. They’ve just missed each other. And it’s a damn shame, but it’s not worth throwing his life away for.

“Friends,” Nico agrees, shaking Jason Olympia’s hand. _JO._ Not _JG._

Some people can be just friends with their soulmates. Some people will try and fail miserably. Nico thought that he was with the former.

His job made sure that he was constantly in contact with Jason, seeing him at least twice or three times a week. Business aside, he and Jason got on quite well. Jason was just as easy to be around as Percy. He was friendly to almost everyone, and relaxing to be around. Being a politician, he was charismatic, but Nico found him to be a lot more genuine than some of his previous interviewees. Jason truly cared about his job, and how his efforts impacted the people. At 30 years old, he was young for a senator, but Nico had a feeling that if Jason Olympia ever decided to run for President, he would be a strong contender.

Outside of work, Jason was the same guy. He was welcoming and funny, always knowing just what to say to put the people around him at ease. After the initial period of awkwardness, Nico found himself starting to enjoy Jason’s company.

The two of them talked about a lot of things. Topics related to their jobs, sure. Off the record for Jason, of course. They also talked about their families. Nico learnt that Jason was mostly raised by his sister Thalia, seven years his senior, and the person he trusted the most in the entire world. Jason’s mother had died when he was just five years old, and Thalia was the one who took care of him, sheltering him from their father’s indifference and their stepmother’s manipulations. Nico, in turn, told Jason about his own relationship with his father, He talked about Bianca and Zoe, the old wounds now scabbed over into healed reminders of his sisters. He told Jason about Hazel. How he used to resent her existence, but now couldn’t imagine life without her by his side.

Jason listened, never offering opinions unless he was asked, just being there when Nico needed to talk. It was reassuring, and his companionship was something Nico appreciated, especially now that Percy’s job at his father’s company had him flying out of the country so frequently. Jason had him over for dinner often. Nico was always glad to accept, spending a night with Jason, Piper and their little girl Libby, instead of going home to an empty house.

Nico became friends with Piper. She was always welcoming, kind and warm. Piper loved Jason dearly. It was easy to see that. And Jason loved both his wife and his little daughter. Watching their family, Nico was reassured that he and Jason had made the right choice. Whatever they could have had as soulmates was not worth sacrificing what they already possessed in their lives.

 

Percy had been distant. He’d barely been in the country for a full week over the past two months, and Nico was getting fed up. “Nico, you know this deal is really important to Dad. I don’t want to disappoint him.”

Nico shook his head, frowning at his husband over the Skype call, “You promised me you’d be back this weekend, Percy. You promised.”

“I know, Neeks. I know. But I really can’t get away. If you could just try to understand-“

“I’m trying to understand, Percy, but what it looks like from over here is that you won’t be home for another week. I haven’t seen you properly in over two months.” Nico hated how his voice slid into a whine at the end of the sentence but he refused to give in. He was tired of coming second behind Percy’s job.

Percy huffed a breath, sneaking a glance at his watch. “I’m sorry, Nico. I really can’t talk right now. There’s a meeting I have to be at. Call you later.”

And he was gone before Nico could get out a reply. Left alone, Nico slammed the top down on his laptop and let out a groan of frustration. He eyed the phone next to his hand speculatively. Hazel was in Canada, visiting her fiancé’s family. And he wasn’t close enough to his work friends to call them up on a Friday night.

Jason showed up within fifteen minutes of answering the phone. He brought with him two bottles of Nico’s favourite wine, “I’m glad you called, Nico. It’s been a hell of a week at the office. Piper took Libby to visit her dad, so no one’s at home. I thought I was gonna have to drink myself into a stupor all on my lonesome.”

Nico laughed and reached for two glasses, “I’d honoured to be your hangover buddy, Jay. But if you throw up on my favourite rug, you’re leaving out the window.”

“It’s six storeys above the ground!”

“Exactly.”

The two of them had a ball of a time. They talked shit about their co-workers- Nico almost busted a gut laughing at Jason’s impression of Senator Augustus’ most snobbish manner- chatted about their families- Libby had done the most hilarious thing at kindergarten the other day- and spent hours dissecting one of the trashy romance novels Hazel had left behind that Nico found hidden under the coffee table.

Sometime in the night, the conversation turned serious. Nico poured out his woes to Jason- how he hadn’t seen Percy in two months- how he felt that he was constantly coming behind Percy’s job. Jason couldn’t offer anything but a listening ear, yet Nico felt reassured by his presence.

The kiss wasn’t planned. Nico had been lying on the couch, telling Jason about his latest unsatisfactory phone call with Percy when he turned his head to make a point, and met Jason’s mouth. They both pulled back immediately.

Nico breathed hard. _JG_ seared on his collarbone, and the man himself was staring at him with those wide blue eyes. He wanted to turn away, but couldn’t bear to at the same time.

Jason’s hand cupped the back of his head, pulling him in once more; Nico ceased thinking about what they were doing, and just lost himself in the sensation of being held close by his soulmate.

Some people can be just friends with their soulmates. Nico had tried, and failed miserably.

 

 


	3. Your Next Move....?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all. I've had a really bad couple of weeks. So....yeah. I don't know how I feel about this chapter. My emotions are all over the place these days and my head's mostly confused....that explains the way the chapter ends, maybe. Sorry. I'll try to do better for the next ( and probably last? who knows. I've surprised myself with extensions so many times I've lost count )

Some people marry their soulmates. Some people marry other people and then embark on extramarital affairs with their soulmates- affairs that set their blood racing, make their palms sweaty, and their hearts race, and simultaneously make them feel on top of the world, and like the embodiment of the scum of the earth.

Nico knew in which category he belonged.

It wasn’t right. Both he and Jason knew that. They had made a decision in the beginning, an arrangement to view each other in only the most platonic of terms- platonic meaning just friends. That meant no daydreaming about one another. No smiling or laughing like giddy schoolgirls at the thought of each other. No sneaking around to Jason’s when Piper was off shooting a film, and no creeping around Nico’s when Percy was gone on another business trip. No spontaneous day trips- not dates, never dates- to visit Nico’s favoured art museums or Jason’s preferred theatres. No tender looks or caressing touches. No stolen kisses and guilty thoughts.

But there were all those things and more between them.

Jason was an addiction. One Nico knew he couldn’t shake. Every time he looked in the mirror, he saw it. _JG_ imprinted on him, marking him, a sign of his infidelity. Before, it had been nothing but an unfulfilled dream. Now it was a dangerous thrill, a dark satisfaction of old desires, and the reminder of the greatest sin he had ever committed. Every time he looked at Jason, or leaned into one of his touches, there would be the familiar jump-skip-hop of his pulse and the simultaneous twisting of his stomach.

Like he said, Jason was an addiction, and Nico was far from ready to give him up. They never spoke about their respective spouses; Percy and Piper’s names being taboo between them since any mention of either inevitably triggered regrets and uncertainties on both Nico and Jason’s parts. Nor did they ever define what they were actually doing. Not that either of them really knew. If anyone had asked Nico where he thought their relationship-tryst-affair was headed, he probably would have stared at them blankly while his mind raced through all the possible scenarios, going too fast to settle on any one potential future.

Nico was far from blind to the consequences. He knew unfaithfulness- knew the implications and the fallout. He remembered the white-hot anger that had risen the day he realised his father’s betrayal. He had no way of knowing what Percy’s reaction would be if he ever found out. He’d tried to picture it once. The hurt and anger. The words that Percy might throw at him, piercing barbs in retribution for his crimes. The final moment- the possibility that Percy might leave him. It terrified Nico. Scared him beyond belief. He still loved Percy, was sure of it with every fibre of his body. But every breath he took was linked to Jason. The two of them were completely separate entities. Asking Nico to choose between either would be like asking him to choose between removing his brain or his heart. He wasn’t sure he could survive losing either of them.

So he avoided all thoughts of unpleasant matters like morality and consequences. It was easier to revel in the moment, luxuriate in the feel of Jason wrapped around him, breathing his name repeatedly as the other buried his face in the curve between Nico’s neck and his shoulder. It was easier to just be- to stay like that, and pray that the moment would last forever- a barrier against reality and responsibilities. He wished that he could preserve these moments- like the sepia photographs he’d come across at flea markets, a moment in time, captured in eternity.

It was ironic that it was a photograph that brought everything tumbling around them like a house of cards.

 

It was the lead story on every news station in every state. The greatest scandal Olympolis had ever seen. And that was including Governor Jupiter Olympia’s many affairs. After all, theirs was a tale of starcrossed love- more than just the overdone trope of unfaithfulness towards a spouse.

**SCANDAL IN THE CAPITAL!                           STARCROSSED LOVERS!**

**SOULMATES- A GOOD ENOUGH EXCUSE?**

**THE SENATOR’S ‘ANGEL’?                                               DIS-’GRACE’ FOR RISING POLITICAL STAR!**

 

The headlines leaped out at him; every one felt like a stab to his chest. He didn’t bother to read the accompanying articles. He’d read the first few, the words a sick punishment he forced himself to swallow. The story had been covered from almost every available angle; his and Jason’s relationship analysed over and over with comments and opinions pouring in from every corner. There was condemnation, holier-than-thou attitudes looking down upon them, deriding the affair as sin- further proof of the corruption in the political world. There were quarters who voiced support, even providing explanation: theirs was a soulbond. They _couldn’t_ have avoided it.

Nico didn’t care what those strangers thought about him. He didn’t give a damn about their judgements or their validation. He knew how to ignore their words. But he couldn’t avoid the photo- the one that had triggered all of this- undeniable proof of his infidelity.

By most standards, the photograph was tame. It showed Nico and Jason at one of Nico’s favourite cafés. Nico still remembered that day. He and Jason had gone on another one of their not-dates, just enjoying the day of sunshine without the burden of their daily lives. They should have been more careful about being spotted, especially with Jason’s status as a public figure. Any other day, they both would have been watching out for photographers to avoid but Nico had been particularly exhausted after a series of all-nighters at work, and Jason had been trying to get him to relax.

In the photo, Jason had his arm around Nico. It could have been passed off as friendly if not for the way Nico had been leaning against Jason’s chest with his eyes closed, looking perfectly at ease within the embrace of a man who was blatantly NOT his husband. Jason’s expression had been another sure-fire giveaway. He had been looking down at Nico with a look that was so achingly tender it made Nico wince every time he looked at it. But he couldn’t look away- especially not now when the only alternative to looking at the photo was to look at Percy’s face.

The air between them was filled with tension, but Nico would have been happy to exist in that frozen moment of time forever as long as he didn’t have to face what was coming. Percy never could let a silence rest though.

“Tell me it’s not true. Tell me it’s a media fabrication or a smear campaign against Jason or a misunderstanding, Nico. Tell me anything and I’ll believe you.” Nico could feel the desperation in Percy’s voice. It resonated within him too. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to tell Percy the lie that would fix this- the lie that Percy thought would make everything bad go away but that Nico knew would only cover the rot for so long.

“Damn it, Nico, look at me!”

Nico jumped. His gaze reluctantly rose to meet Percy’s.

There they were. Those breath-taking sea-green eyes that he’d once fallen in love with- was still in love with. Percy had never bothered to hide his emotions or disguise his expression, but his eyes were the most eloquent of all his features. They were like beacons, displaying his mood from shining to stormy and everything in between. Right now, the only word Nico could think of to describe them was broken.

“Nico, please.” He knew what Percy was pleading for, knew what his husband wanted him to say. He couldn’t say it. He looked away.

Percy exhaled, a harsh breath. But when he spoke, his voice was gentle, resigned, “I knew, Nico. I always knew. _JG_. You’d been obsessed with him for so long. At the wedding, when I introduced you to him. I already knew.”

Nico’s eyes shot up to meet with Percy’s again. His husband was the one looking away this time, gazing outside the window of the apartment, caught in a memory, “Jason was looking for you all through college- _NdA_ \- I saw it once when he was coming out of the shower- it was the final year of college, after we had already started dating. How many people have those exact three initials? And you had the matching pair.”

Percy still wouldn’t look back at Nico, his hand tightening into a fist, “I didn’t want you to meet him. I didn’t want to lose you. I told myself it was just a coincidence. You weren’t Jason’s soulmate. He wasn’t _JG._ So I never said anything.”

“But you invited him to our wedding?” Nico murmured, still shocked by the revelation. Percy had known. He had always known.

“I couldn’t leave it up to chance. I couldn’t imagine it- what if one day you met him- realised he really was your soulmate, and I lost you for good? You chose me, but that was before you met him. I didn’t know, and I needed to know, if you finally found him, would I still be the one you’d choose?”

“So you decided to force a meeting between us? Like some sort of game?” Nico’s voice became louder with every word, disbelief and anger colouring his speech. “And when Jason lied about his name? What then? Did that ruin your test? Did you think I would have run off with him the moment I found out? Drop everything for a man I’d just met, who just happened to wear my initials on his collarbone?” Nico’s breath hitched. Had Percy had so little faith in him? Worse, had Percy been right? Would he have run off with Jason? He couldn’t say. Not now. Not anymore.

“You found out about his real name,” Percy said softly.

“You told me,” Nico remembered, “Slipped it into the conversation like it was nothing.” He stared at Percy. He never would have thought him capable of such manipulation. Not Percy.

“Why?” Nico said, his voice strangled by confusion and fear, “Why did you try to force me to find him?”

“I had to know, Nico,” Percy said, closing his eyes. “I had to know.”  

“And now you do,” Nico said, voice breaking. “I wasn’t strong enough to keep to our vows. I’m just like my father after all.”

Percy said nothing, but his jaw tightened and he pulled back from the table, pushing himself farther away from Nico. Nico forced himself to say the words. “Are you leaving?” _Leaving home. Leaving this marriage. Leaving me._

Percy shook his head, “I don’t- I can’t- Nico.” The silence lasted for another minute.

“I met someone.”

Nico stared. That was the last thing he had been expecting Percy to say. “What?”

“Her name is Annabeth. Annabeth Chase. She’s a consultant architect working for my dad’s company.”

Annabeth Chase. _AC._ He remembered the letters etched on Percy’s shoulder with an aching clarity. “Is she-“Nico couldn’t bring himself to finish the sentence. An icy fist wrapped itself around his heart. He fought to impulse to grab Percy and pull him closer. To find the truth in Percy’s eyes.

Percy stood up, “I can’t do this right now.”

Nico stood up too. “What do you mean you can’t do this right now? You can’t just say something like that and leave!”

Percy didn’t turn back. He was already halfway to the door. _Halfway out of my life,_ Nico thought resentfully. “Come back! Percy!”

The door closed with a soft click and Nico hovered in the hallway, not sure whether to chase or to stay. Not knowing what to choose. Not knowing what to do.

Lots of people have failed marriages. Some people know it is their own fault. Some people can list out every single detail of exactly what went wrong, providing pages and pages of causes and effects. They know what they did, what will happen because of what they did, and what they need to do to either give up on the whole fiasco or salvage something that they refuse to say goodbye to. But for most people, the overwhelming emotion, present and unshakeable despite rage, despair, regret and shame jostling for room, is confusion. Like most people, Nico di Angelo- (Jackson?) just didn’t know what his next move would be.


	4. As Time Goes By

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nico felt a warm hand on his shoulder, “Because if you love something,” Annabeth said slowly. “If you love something, you let it go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, two months, haha. All I can say is, A-Levels. A2 year. University applications. Interviews. Admissions Test. Yerp. Anyway, enjoy!

Some people always have the wherewithal and the fortitude to face up to their problems. Others prefer the ostrich’s method of burying one’s head in the sand and waiting for the danger to pass. In the face of the media firestorm that enveloped his life after the revelation of his affair with a senator, Nico knew which option he preferred. But he’d always been a fighter. He just had trouble with choosing the right thing to fight for.

“Nakamura, what the fuck?!” Nico paced the living room like an angry panther, hissing his frustration into the phone. “I’ve worked with you for years! What were you thinking running those pictures?”

“I’m sorry, Nico,” Ethan Nakamura, editor of The Olympolis Herald said, not sounding very sorry at all, “My hands were tied. The other publications were running pictures like that long before we did. I put it off as long as I could. Any longer and people would have started to speculate. I can’t let your ties to the paper affect any editorial decisions.”

“You and I both know damn well that’s not the reason,” Nico growled. “You sold me out, Ethan. We’ve been colleagues for years. You’re my friend, goddamnit! What do you think you’re doing?!”

Ethan sighed, “Nico. This had nothing to do with our personal relationship-“

“Everything about this is personal!” Nico half-yelled. “This is my life, Ethan. My marriage is falling apart, and you running those photos is not helping!”

“Nico, what do you want from me?”

“I want you to stop running those photos in the Herald!”

“I can do that. But that’s not going to change anything, Nico. It’s not going to make everything go away.”

Nico growled once more, unintelligibly into the phone, and hung up. He glowered at the window. Even without looking out, he knew what was waiting outside the apartment- hordes of paparazzi clamouring against the gates of the apartment complex, desperate for a scoop. Even though he was a member of the press himself, he’d never understood his colleagues in that line of work- the people who dug into other people’s personal lives, recording every salacious detail, salivating after every scandalous titbit. He couldn’t make himself feel comfortable with what they did. Now, with his life being scrutinised and attacked from every corner, it was completely impossible for him to find any sense of understanding for the vultures parked outside his door.

The ringing of the doorbell caught him by surprise. He stared at the door for a moment in shock. His first thought was that Percy had come back. But Percy would have a key. He wouldn’t have to ring the doorbell. His second, guilty thought, jumped to Jason. He hadn’t seen Jason since the news broke about their affair. Jason didn’t call and Nico didn’t try to contact him. He wouldn’t know what to say to Jason anyway, not now that he’d ruined both their lives with his actions.

Every time he thought of Jason, his heart gave a familiar, painful jolt. This situation was exactly what they’d tried to avoid, in the beginning. His life was falling apart and he had no one to blame but himself. All the promises he’d made about keeping things platonic, his stern avowal that he was over his belief of soulmates and fated love; it had all come to nought.

The sound of the doorbell ringing again knocked Nico out of his brooding. He swung the door open forcefully, ready to unload at whichever poor schmuck it was that was interfering with the collapse of life as he knew it. What he didn’t expect was for that person to be Piper McLean- Piper Grace.

They stared at each other in silence for months, years, decades- at least that’s what it felt like to Nico. Neither of them said anything. Nico had to fight the urge to slam the door in her face and barricade himself back in the apartment. Of all the people that could have been on the other side of that door, Piper Grace, the woman whose husband he had coveted, the friend who had arguably been hurt the most by his actions, was the very last person he wanted to see.

It was Piper who broke the silence. “Can I come in?” she asked, her voice gentle but shaky. Nico nodded mutely, stepping back to let her in even as his mind screamed at him not to. He couldn’t deny Piper this. He couldn’t deny her anything. He owed her.

Piper chose to sit on the couch; the very same couch that this entire affair had started on that night when Nico had turned his head and been met by his soulmate’s lips. He shook the thought from his head and took a seat on the armchair across from her.

Before the silence could drag on for too long, Piper spoke, “I know it’s true.” Nico said nothing, waiting for her to elaborate, as she did. “About you and Jason being soulmates. I know it’s true. I know it’s not just a fabrication by the media, or anything. You’re really his soulmate.”

Nico had to admire Piper for whatever it was that kept her going. The hurt on her face when she said the word ‘soulmate’ was clear to see. But she went on relentlessly, “My marriage to Jason- was my dream. I love him. I loved him from the first moment I saw him across a crowded lecture hall. I loved him when I thought there was a possibility that he could be my soulmate, and I loved him even when I knew, without a doubt, that he wasn’t. We thought, or at least, I did, that not being soulmates wouldn’t matter. I thought that I could love him, from that first moment, and be loved by him, until the last.”

She paused for a moment then went on, “My mother-in-law, Juno told me to pay you off. She wants me to get you to tell the media that everything is false- that you are not Jason’s soulmate, there never was any affair, and that you and he are completely unrelated. She doesn’t want this to interfere with Jason’s career.”

Nico didn’t say anything, and Piper gave a wry smile. “I don’t think giving you money is the way to get you to leave Jason. If it was me, if I were my husband’s soulmate,” her voice broke on that word. “Nothing could tear me from him.”

Still, Nico didn’t say anything. Piper’s eyes met his, “Please. Please don’t take my husband from me, Nico.” _Please don’t take him just because you can._

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Piper said, her voice finally cracking into sobs. “He’s your soulmate. I know that. And I hate that. I hate so much that the man I love is bound to someone else. And if I were brave, if I were a better person, I would let him go. But I’m selfish, Nico. I can’t let go. I love Jason too much. Losing him-“ Piper took a shaky breath, “Losing him would break me.”

Watching the way Piper wrapped her arms around herself, Nico knew. All along he’d thought of himself as a victim. A victim of circumstance. A victim of fate. It was the universe’s fault that he and Jason hadn’t met at the right time. It was the universe’s fault when they finally met at all. It was the universe’s fault that they couldn’t stay away from one another. Fate forced them to betray their chosen partners. But fate and destiny were only words. And Nico di Angelo wasn’t the victim in this story.

He was the villain.

He dropped to his knees next to the couch, clasping his hand together and laying them next to Piper. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he repeated the words over and over, like a prayer. Like a vow.

Piper pulled him into her arms. And there they sat- Jason Grace’s wife and his soulmate, holding onto on another, anchoring each other in a storm of misery and despair created by the actions of two people who could have prevented it, who **should have** prevented it, but didn’t.

It wasn’t forgiveness. It wasn’t relief. It wasn’t a promise. But it was something.

 

Unexpected guests, it seemed, came in twos. Barely an hour after Piper’s departure, before Nico had properly collected himself from breaking down in his lover’s spouse’s arms, the sound of the key turning in the apartment door’s lock jolted him out of his stupor.

When he made his way out of the kitchen into the hallway, a stranger was standing in his home. She was a tall woman, blonde, with a self-assured air about her, even when being caught breaking into someone else’s apartment. She didn’t look surprised to see him.

“I’m here to pick up Percy’s things,” she said. “He gave me the keys.”

Nico blinked twice, hard, before understanding dawned. “You’re Annabeth Chase,” he said through gritted teeth, his hands tightening into fists. “So that’s it then,” he forced out. “He’s leaving me. And he sent you to break the news?” Nico didn’t bother to elaborate. They both knew who ‘he’ was.

Annabeth studied his face. Nico glared back. There was no way he was going to show weakness in front of this woman. His insides fairly boiled. How dare Percy send her here? He knew Nico would be there. Instead of working things out between them, he’d chosen this method to let his husband know that their marriage was over? To rub in the fact that he was choosing _her_ \- his soulmate. _See Nico, you’re not the only one with a soulmate. I can cheat too._

“I think you have the wrong idea,” Annabeth said finally. “Percy didn’t say anything of the sort. I’m here to get some of his things because he needs them. Nothing more and nothing less.”

Nico raised an eyebrow sardonically. He let his anger buoy him and push back the fear. Be mean. Be hateful. Not scared. Never that. Bitter. He did bitterness quite well, “And so he sent you? What? Is he staying at your place? I should have guessed as much.”

Annabeth’s brow furrowed, “Well, yes. I offered him a place to stay for a few days. To get his head on straight about everything that’s happened. Because we’re friends.”

Nico laughed. It was a dark sound, devoid of any genuine amusement. He was pleased to see Annabeth take a step backwards. He cocked an eyebrow at her, “Just friends? Believe me, I know how that is. Jason and I, you know about Jason, of course, Percy must have told you. And even if he didn’t, I’m sure you watch the news. Jason and I started out just friends too. You think I don’t know? About the mark on your shoulder? My husband’s initials branded into your skin?”

“Mr. di Angelo, I don’t understand what you’re implying,“ Annabeth Chase snapped at him, but it was clear that she did. She knew exactly what he was hinting at. Nico found himself wanted to break her composure. Days of misery and blaming himself and he was utterly sick. Sick of it all. He wanted someone hate. Someone to rage at. Someone to hurt that wasn’t him. And what better target than this perfect unruffled woman who acted like she was so much better than him. This woman who had staked a claim on his husband that he couldn’t challenge.

“I am implying,” Nico drawled lazily, “that you are letting my husband fuck you in place of rent.”

_Crack._ Her slap was so strong it turned his head to the side.

“How dare you,” Annabeth Chase hissed at him, her grey eyes narrowed. “You don’t know me. You don’t know a single thing about me, Nico di Angelo. But you ought to know Percy. He would never do anything to betray his wedding vows. I know it’s hard to believe, _for the likes of you_ , but a few black letters isn’t the impetus for normal people to be unfaithful to their spouses.”

“Percy and I may be what you call soulmates. But perhaps you should consider the fact that soulmates don’t represent only romantic love. He may love me for being his soulmate, but only in the sense that we can understand each other, and give each other support. Only in the platonic sense. Even if I did feel anything for him romantically, Percy would never look at me in that way. For some insane reason, he loves you. Even after all the pain you’ve put him through.”

“Even now, he’s still waiting for you. He’s waiting for you to choose what will make you the most happy, even of that means cutting him out of your life forever. And you doubt him? You don’t even deserve him!”

Nico had had enough. “If he loves me so much, why didn’t he tell me all that himself!” he yelled back at Annabeth, his husband’s confidante. “If he loves me so much, why couldn’t he have chosen to be with me instead of putting his work before me? If he loves me so much, why did he walk out? If he loves me so much, where is he now? If he loves me so much, why did he let go?” his yelling softened until the last sentence was said in a whisper. “Why did he let go?”

Annabeth shook her head sadly and Nico found that he had no interest in continuing to speak with her. He was completely exhausted. He turned his back on her. Let her do what she wanted. If what she said was true. If Percy really thought all of that. He didn’t care anymore.

Nico felt a warm hand on his shoulder, “Because if you love something,” Annabeth said slowly. “If you love something, you let it go.”

Nico recognised Percy’s favourite quote. Annabeth went on, “If it comes back to you, it’s yours.”

He closed his eyes, and mentally recited the last line, the one that Percy preferred to ignore. _If it doesn’t, it never was._ He didn’t know if that referred to him or Percy.

 

Some people are forced to face their troubles on their own. Nico di Angelo tried. But in the end, it was much easier to run away. A ten hour flight and a car ride from the airport later he finally found refuge. Hades wrapped his arms around his son and for the first time since his childhood, Nico felt protected. He’d left his problems a world away, and they couldn’t touch him here, in his childhood home, in his father’s arms.


	5. I'd Be Running My Whole Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “My son,” Nico could feel his father’s soft breath blowing across his hair, “Bianca never got her happy ending. I want the opposite for you. I want you to have every chance to live a happy life. As long as you are happy, I will support any decision you make.”

Some people find comfort in ice-cream and TV. Some people like to work out. Some people play music on loop, and sleep for hours on end. Escapism; it is the human art of staying sane. It was a long haul game, trying to keep ahead of your troubles.  And Nico di Angelo was an overachiever. For him, the obvious next move in the game of running away from his problems was to literally run away and hop a long-haul flight- to Italy. But once he was back in his childhood home, and the initial relief at a successful escape had worn off, he began to realise that when the source of trouble was one’s own self, it was exceedingly difficult, nigh impossible to escape.

Hades cleared his throat, and Nico tensed, waiting for the bombshell to drop.

“Pass the butter, please, Nico.” Nico relaxed his shoulders. He passed the butter. “Thank you.” Hades calmly spread butter on a slice of toast. “So, when is Perseus coming to take you home?”

Nico winced. There he was. Hades: the god of awkward bluntness.

“Drop it, dad,” he muttered. “I’m not ready to talk about this.”

His father sighed and Nico braced himself for another lecture. Hades had gotten _ideas_ about communicating with his son ever since he married Persephone. Nico was willing to bet a large portion of his inheritance that those suggestions came directly from his stepmother. For a trophy wife in her early thirties with no kids, Persephone had a startlingly large number of parenting suggestions.

If he were ten years younger, Nico might be able to tolerate his father’s awkward attempts at bonding with him. But that ship had sailed long ago. He was in his late twenties, married (although maybe not for much longer) and he didn’t need to be advised, lectured or consoled.

And after all, even if he had reconciled with the idea of Hades for cheating on his mother years ago, he still wasn’t ready to discuss his own infidelity with his father, of all people.

“I’m going out,” he announced, before Hades could cut in with anything else. “Don’t expect me back for dinner.”

 

The streets of his hometown were the same as ever. He knew the way like the back of his hand and he let his feet lead him to his favourite spots without thinking too much about it. His mind was preoccupied with the same circular worries about Percy and their crumbling marriage. And although it made the self-loathing intensify, a large portion of his thoughts still centred about Jason.

_Senator Jason Grace looks grave as he speaks into the microphone. His blonde hair is neatly combed back and his eyes are serious. He looks composed even as the camera flashes intensify, but Nico thinks he can read the anxiety in the familiar blue eyes of his soulmate._

_“In the past month, there has been a lot of speculation regarding a certain photograph involving me. I am going on record now to clarify those rumours.” The whispers in the background pick up, becoming louder. Nico can imagine the eager speculation on their faces- those members of the media and the public who feed on the carrion of others’ misery._

_“I did have an affair with Nico di Angelo.” Jason’s jaw is tight and his eyes are determined. “The reports are true. Nico is my soulmate. ”The gasps around him are practically audible. Nico himself can’t tear his gaze away from the screen, even though he knows every word that Jason is about to say…. Even though Jason has already made his decision…. and it is one that is shared by Nico._

_“I met Nico at his wedding. He was getting married to my best friend from college and I was a guest.”_

_Oh, Jason. Those details were old news. Speculation had been rife and some publications had somehow managed to dig up records and old photos to piece together most of the story anyway. But for Jason to actually admit them in person…._

_“I realise that I hurt a lot of people with my actions.” Piper is standing somewhere in the group behind Jason, her gaze fixed on a point far in the distance. Even through the screen, Nico notes the haggardness of her expression. Piper is dressed in a powder-blue blazer and skirt, looking every inch the politician’s supportive wife. She has never looked less like the friendly, warm and carefree woman Nico first met at his wedding. His stomach clenches with guilt._

_“I do not expect to be instantly absolved of my sins,” the Jason on the screen continues. “I only ask for the opportunity to make amends to those who have been affected the most by my actions. My wife,” he reaches for Piper, who takes his hand. Her expression is still vacant, but she manages to give a weak smile in the camera’s direction, “has graciously forgiven me for my transgressions. I hope the public will also grant me the chance to make up for my past mistakes. I thank you all for your presence here today.”_

_He turns to leave but is stopped by a reporter’s shouted question, “Senator Grace, what about your soulmate? What about Nico di Angelo?”_

_Nico expects him to ignore the question. It’s the smarter thing to do. But it seems Jason is still capable of surprising him even after everything._

_“Nico and I are both aware of our choices. We have separate lives, different things we need to protect,” here, he squeezes Piper’s hand in his. Unlike most of the world, Nico knows that the small smile he gives her is genuine. They may have a lot of work to do in rebuilding their marriage, but Jason really did still love the mother of his child, after all._

_“Some things,” Jason pauses. He looks directly into the camera and Nico realises Jason had known that he would be watching. “Some things are more important than soulmates.”_

The press conference and broadcast had been two days ago. Nico hadn’t heard from either Jason or Piper since. Not that he’d expected to.

He felt relieved at the thought that the Grace family would remain intact through this. At least he wouldn’t have to worry that his and Jason’s actions would wreck the lives of so many more people than just their own. Jason and Piper could hold their marriage together. And little Libby Grace would not be condemned to grow up in a broken home.

All the reasoning he’d had for not beginning a relationship with Jason Grace still held true. Only now, it was reasoning for abandoning any contact with his soulmate too.

Soulmates. That word had become the bane of his life. True to his childhood realisation, that so-called destined love brought nothing but pain. For Bianca and Zoe. For Father and Mama. And now him and Jason.

There were so many things in life much more important than soulmates. Family, for one. It would hurt to never see Jason again. But with this decision, Jason would get to keep his family- his wife and his daughter. If Nico suffered for this, at least, three other people would gain. That wasn’t too much of a sacrifice to make, he had told himself on the plane to Italy as he typed that message to Jason.

 _Some things are more important than soulmates._ And Jason had understood.

They could never see each other again.

Nico pressed two fingers to his collarbone, to the letters- _JG_ \- that would always be branded into his skin. _I love you. Goodbye._

“You did the right thing,” Hazel told him as she stroked his hair. Her touch was gentle but Nico couldn’t repress a shiver at the cold metal touch of the many rings his sister wore. “It was the right thing to do, big brother. And I’m proud of you.”

Nico curled closer into her embrace. “I know it was.” But why do I still feel so terrible, he didn’t try to ask her. Hazel had never deliberately hurt anyone in her life. She would never have to suffer the consequences of such actions. She could not answer him.

The horrible guilt that had been growing within Nico had blown up the day that Piper visited him at his apartment. He knew he would always feel a little bit of it gnawing at him for what he had done to her family, but it no longer haunted his every moment. Instead, the guilt had been replaced by a sense of aimlessness.

He was lost. And he didn’t know how to be found.

“You need to forgive yourself.” Hazel let go of her brother at the sound of their father’s voice. She kissed him gently on the forehead before leaving the room. Nico didn’t get up. He turned his face into the couch cushions, but Hades refused to take the hint.

“My son,” his voice was thick with exhaustion. “You must stop reproaching yourself for what you did. Your actions were not so very bad.”

Nico sat up, practically snarling his next words, “What I did was despicable. It was a betrayal. I can’t forgive that, and I can’t expect anyone else to either.”

Hades sighed. His face was calm as he stared down at his only son, “This is not what you truly mean to say.”

“Oh, yeah? Why don’t you enlighten me, since you seem to know what I mean to say so well, Father?”

Hades didn’t even flinch. “You have not forgiven me for being unfaithful to your mother.”

“No. I haven’t.” Nico declared. “And I never will. So let’s stop discussing it.”

“No, my son. We will discuss it.” Hades stated, almost emotionlessly in that tone that he knew Nico detested. “We will discuss this. For once, I want you to say everything you’ve bottled away. All the ill you’ve thought about me. I have seen you pushing back your emotions all this time. I have seen you trying to be a good brother to Hazel. And trying to be a dutiful son to me. You tried to do all you could to hold our family together after we lost Maria, Bianca and Zoe. You tried to give everyone what they needed. But in the process, all the hurt, anger and pain you have felt has been burning at you from the inside.”

“You cannot move on until you have come to terms with your anger. You cannot forgive your own actions without coming to terms with mine. I am sorry for all the pain my actions have caused you, my son. But we will- we must speak of it.”

Nico felt anger burning away at his insides. “Fine. You want to talk? Let’s talk,” he practically snarled. “You betrayed Mama. I cheated on Percy. In that, we may be same, but Jason was my soulmate. And Mama was yours. So what excuse do you have?”

Hades studied his son. His calm expression just made Nico want to punch him. Finally, he rolled up the sleeve of his shirt. Nico stared, transfixed as his father exposed the underside of his upper arm. There they were, just above his elbow. _MdA._ His mother’s letters.

Nico’s view of those letters were obscured as Hades began to roll up his other sleeve. He turned his left arm towards Nico. For a moment, he couldn’t make out what it was exactly that his father was showing him. _ML._ Another set of initials.

“Marie Levesque. I met her in New Orleans on a business trip when Bianca was two and Maria was just pregnant with you. She was Hazel’s mother.”

Nico said nothing. His father had two soulmates. His mother was one of them. Hazel’s mother was the other. And Hades had cheated on his spouse with his soulmate. Nico really was just like his father.

“Did you- did you love her?” Nico croaked out. He wasn’t sure why it mattered, but it did. Had Hades loved Marie Levesque? Had he loved her as much as he loved Maria di Angelo? How did one person live with his soul split between two people?

“I loved Maria,” Hades said simply. “I chose my wife.”

 Nico looked at his father helplessly. What was that even supposed to mean? Was his father telling him to choose? Should he have given up on Jason? Should he be begging Percy to come back to him? He had no idea which course of action Hades wanted him to take. Which path was the best?

Hades shook his head, “You, my son, have always thought too much for your own good. You always want to be perfect. To take the right path and make all the best decisions. I remember when you were a child. You sometimes took up to an hour just to pick a shirt for the day because you just had to consider countless numbers of imaginary factors. Maria nearly despaired of ever getting you dressed.”

“Get to the point, Father.” Nico grumbled, feeling more like a lectured teenager by the minute.

Hades smiled fondly at him, “The point, Nico, is that life is not a giant chess game that can be plotted out perfectly. There is no winning or losing. There is no right or wrong. The best decision is the decision that you can live with. It is the decision that you will not regret.”

And then Hades pulled Nico up off the couch and into his arms. “My son,” Nico could feel his father’s soft breath blowing across his hair, “Bianca never got her happy ending. I want the opposite for you. I want you to have every chance to live a happy life. As long as you are happy, I will support any decision you make.”

Nico brought his own arms up to wrap around his father. He didn’t say anything. But he was sure Hades understood. His father always had.

 

Some people find it easy to fall in and out of love. Nico di Angelo was not one of them.

It hadn’t been easy for him to fall in love with Percy at first. It hadn’t been easy for him to forget the lesson that love was intertwined with loss after the tragedy that befell his sisters. It hadn’t been easy for him to- at the time- give up on the hope of meeting his soulmate. And later, it hadn’t been easy for him to fall in love with Jason. Despite the fact that they were soulmates, despite the fact that they were supposedly ‘meant to be’, betraying his marriage vows and betraying his husband- the man he still loved in spite of how he felt about Jason- none of that had come easily for Nico.

Now, his relationship with Jason had come to an end. Although it had been something he once dreaded Nico found that it was also now something he could learn to accept. There was always going to be some part of him that loved Jason and ached for him. Every time he looked into the mirror and saw _JG,_ he wouldn’t be able to avoid thinking of the man that had once meant so much to him. But he wasn’t surprised that he could find it in himself to let go of that part of his life. ‘Soulmate’. It was only just a word, after all.

Since his world had turned on its axis, Nico had made so many great strides. He’d learned to let go of his once-obsession with destiny, fate and soulmates. He’d finally reconciled himself with the concept of his father’s infidelity. He had been forced to confront the implications of that truth on his own psyche, and finally found closure for the pain of his father’s betrayal that he’d never really been able to get all those years ago.   

Three months. Close to one hundred days since the news of his affair with Jason had broken. Close to one hundred days since he had last seen Percy. It was the longest time the two of them had been apart since before they got engaged.

Nico di Angelo had forgiven his father but he could not yet forgive himself. He had come so far yet he was no closer to regaining any semblance of the happiness he once had with Percy. He wasn’t sure he deserved to.  

Some people never stop being afraid. Some people can learn to forgive anyone or anything that has ever hurt them, yet never be able to forgive themselves. Some people go so far in the direction of ‘flight’ as to remove themselves completely from the equation. Nico di Angelo was all of the above.

But Percy Jackson was never one to give up without a fight.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't look at me. I'm hideous. 
> 
> Okay, seriously sorry. I'm a lazy procrastination bag with no excuse. Except that I got a job, and also got accepted into university....like overseas, and lost my mind for a couple of months.


End file.
